So, I have been both unable and unwilling to write for quite some time.
I could blame it on circumstances. I have been busy, after all. We moved into a new apartment. We received our household goods out of storage. We’ve been downsizing our stuff in an attempt to fit a 2-bedroom townhouse into a 1-bedroom apartment (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t really happen). Our family has been doing fun stuff in the evenings and weekends, which was practically unheard of at my husband’s last base. I’ve been trying to find my housewife/SAHM routine so that the house stays (somewhat) organized, healthy food is on the table, the toddler is clothed, fed and entertained and I get my fill of The Sims 3 (don’t be so jelly of my glamorous life). We had a failed attempt at potty training. Oh and I started working out again, too (Thank Jeebus, so tired of feeling like a lardass). So yeah, there’s a lot going on.
But normally, I’d write about all that stuff. So what’s my deal now? I don’t know, it just seems like every time I think about writing, my brain goes, “Hey! SQUIRREL!” and I wander off, distracted by something random. Even now as I write this, I start daydreaming about my Sim’s career or when I should start dinner and kind of have to force myself to finish sentences.
I think I’m getting in my own way. I need this blog for my outlet, but sometimes I get intimidated. I’m part of an amazing group of bloggers who share information and support each other. Some are newbies like me, and some make money and go to blogging conferences. I guess I feel like I need to be up to that caliber. I don’t know if I’ll ever be up there; it takes a lot of time and energy to build a blog like that. I just don’t think I have the desire, but somehow think I have to do it anyway…
Hmm, I’m trying to force myself to strive for something I don’t really want because I think I “have to” for some reason? Hello compulsive behaviors, I wondered where you’d pop up next. I used to do a lot of things compulsively – things I didn’t really want to do or knew were bad, but felt that I “had to” because “someone” thought I should. I’ve weeded out my most harmful compulsive behaviors. However, the compulsive, addictive part of me is going to always be looking out for something to latch on to. Right now it’s writing. Sometimes I get so caught up in whether I’m writing the “right” stuff or if this post will go viral or get published on a bigger blog, that I forget why I write: for me. I don’t write to please people; I write to keep myself sane. Maybe I should get that tattooed on me somewhere.
Or better yet, just get the word THINK tattooed somewhere to remind me to be on the lookout for that sneaky bastard compulsive thinking.
Well, I managed a lot of words about how I can’t write words lately. That’s pretty good. I have some ideas for theme days on the blog, to help me focus my thoughts better. We’ll see how that goes. This blog, like my life, is a perpetual work-in-progress.